that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
