So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
