WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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