dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
