The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
