Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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