??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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