Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
