Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
