If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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