its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.