wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.