i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.