He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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