Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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