he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
