My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
