she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
MIDGETS
????
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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