Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
