how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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