So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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