I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
