just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
