So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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