if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
