The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
