My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
