Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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