oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
