Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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