You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
id be glad to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
