Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
