Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
