I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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