My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
