why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
