let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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