She said her name was "party"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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