his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
