The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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