From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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