Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize