Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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