So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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