my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
