I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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