One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
