Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
