I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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