woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
