Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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