i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
