Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
