I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
