i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
