Will you blow on my dice?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
