I will die if light touches me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
