I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
