I must be too annoying 4 u.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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