my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
