I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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