So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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