dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
