I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
