Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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