Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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