he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
