well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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