Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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