I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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