awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
