my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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