Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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