Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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